0726 ramble

12 am. i sit here with the light of the keyboard illuminating againt my skin as i sit in this chair thats peeling that's supposed to be helping my back, though it's doing the opposite. shivers run down my arm and my teeth clattering as i ponder on what any of this is supposed to mean, to me, to you, to the whole world essentially. the low light beaming through the windows from the lights and the clacking from the keyboard putting my mind at ease as i mindlessly type whatever i'm feeling. the world is full of hate and destruction, yet the corner specified for me tends to put it at ease - no one is reading this, at least to my knowledge, but it makes me wonder about what i could possibly do on this blog. i wish i could stick with ideas, i really do, however it becomes tiring. not even sure why but it just does, maybe i'm a wasted effort that's just throwing it all away for a level of ease that i can achieve elsewhere. all art i make is an extension of me, my mind and what it represents. i wish there was a more cohesive answer to explain why the art i like the most out of all my pieces are the way they are but it mostly just boils down to the visuals. i've always considered myself a visual person, though to what extent is questionable, but even down to the detailed descriptions in my writings, its clear that i have an eye and a knack for this type of junk, and i could not want it any other way to be quite honest with you. i wonder why i like the stuff i do, what draws me in and what keeps me, i still don't know why im into kpop the way i am or why it speaks to me but it makes me really happy - LOONA and ILLIT being the ones to make me the most happiest. i absolutely adore both of them to a crazy extent and i don't know why, unfortunately as a result of this, my love for LE SSERAFIM has seem to dissipate and i wish i can understand why because it just happened overnight, overexposure i guess? i still care about the group but i dont feel that strongly towards them anymore. ughh, its' frustrating. ive been staring at my phone and my keyboard blankly trying to think of something to write, bleh. i love that word, bleh, it's cool isn't it? it portrays the perfect emoji - boredom, at least to me. it expresses your disinterest while sounding like a cool word too, it's amazing! i lov3e that word so much, but i do feel like a teenage girl everytime i use it, which, meh, not the worst thing i guess. look at these cool pictures on my computer

 

 

 

cool right? i think so. i like the kaguya plush a lot, it's very cute and worth the price of 60 since its about a foot tall i think... check this out:

  

it's one of my favorite meals, i have an affinity for the sour nos energy drink since i don't come by it often, but it's worth it. the pizza combos are cool as hell too. i think this photo was taken in.... january? i think. i'm not too sure to be honest but i love the image. i love looking at old photos from months to a year ago, it's just interesting to observe what type of life ive had over the past... i miss loona. i'm listening to butterfly rn and its' like... wowwww, they really did that. makes me think about a lot. reminiscing on the past and whatnot. i try not to think about the past though, and so far im kind of succeeding on that end. the most nostalgia i feel as of late is listening to old loona and thinking "oh yeah that song was really good," i try not to tie music to emotions and i think i've succeeded for the most part, of course i got favorite songs because of memories (kanye's hey mama comes to mind) but overall i listen to music in a semi casual semi focused sense, so most memories of music are "oh that's great" and stuff like that. i often don't remember the first i hear a lot of music, the only real one that stood out to me was LOONA since it was in class, but a lot of music passes me as "oh i heard it and know what that is and i like it" rather than having stand-out memories. i should work on my k-pop playlist, i have to add loossemble and triples but i should be good after that (finally). i have ran out of things to write about tonight, so ill leave this post off with this: loona is cool as hell, don't forget that.