costume

i dont know what im really doing
if anything, i feel more strapped down than i ever been
worried, stressed, all that type of stuff
and it sucks a lot

do i hate being a man?
i dont know, i dont think so
but its something i think about constantly
i want an answer but one isnt coming to me

i recently put on a wig as part of my halloween costume
fujiwara from kaguya-sama: love is war
as you may know, my favorite manga and anime
one of my favorite things ever, i want to show love for it
the choice to go as her came on a whim
i thought i should dress up and thought fujiwara would be good
and it turns out her costume was on amazon so i just got that
i wanted to go as kaguya but i dont wanna wear that wig
and the only option for her would arrive after halloween
oh yeah, back to the wig

i put it on and it felt… weird?
not in a bad way of course but it was interesting
because it seemed like… fun?
it felt comforting, like i felt something within happen
i felt.. i wouldnt say right but i loved how i looked
and it stayed on my mind for the rest of the night too

since i had that happen ive been thinking a lot about me
and who i really am as a person and its still not clear
its really confusing and whatnot
i feel happier thinking about being a different gender