more thoughts

existence of a future feels incredibly futile
its mostly due to the fact that its improbable to conceptualize
the future is impossible, to some extent
i don’t really plan anything in my life
i wake up and keep going and whatever situation i find myself in
it just ends up that way.
it feels so immature to live that way, but it hasn’t killed me yet
and that kinda surprises me
…not really, i still plan the more important things in my life

im kind of scared of a lot in my life
scared by deadlines, scared by my job, scared by what life is
a lot of these thoughts pass by my head like its the wind
it feels like a burden a lot of the time but its what life is
life isn’t a burden, it can never be one, but everything else is a burden
to some extent, the human body and mind is an amazing feat
the fact our bodies can do anything that is does is amazing
i often think about what has happened to get to this point
how so many people on earth can think, speak, interact, walk on 2 legs
how evolution created what we consider the perfect body to live in
the mind is also an achievement. how people operate it and how vast it can be is amazing

im starting to feel like im becoming figured out as a person
it feels liberating, like this is what i am
comfortable in my own skin
im really the one and only of my kind
the coolest to ever exist and the best to do it

it sounds like im bragging or whatever but im not

these words with the realization just make me feel better

i guess it's to help me cope with something but im not sure what

i mentioned before but the past is something i think less of as i move on

my past mistakes and past regrets don't mean much anymore 

at least to me

but they help guide me to not mess up

i appreciate them a fair bit for making me what i am

ruminating on the past is lame.. it only makes things worse

i feel i have an identity crisis everytime i start thinking about it and it's annoying

the past is the past but it feels present